Posted at 4:00 p.m
It’s a sweeping story. And then love. One ends badly, the other quite well. Depending on where you stand. Here is the “taboo”, although assumed, by Stéphane*.
“We have chosen to write to you because it is taboo in this community. We’re not supposed to develop feelings of love in these activities, but what do we do when the chemistry is right? »
What to do when feelings confuse the cards in a game where the rules are clear from the start? Holy question indeed. Never, if I’m wrong, asked here until today. Stéphane, 46, wrote to us earlier this spring to lift the veil on this “taboo” scenario that unexpectedly happened to him. Even against his own will.
But let’s start at the beginning. With a soft voice and in total transparency, Stéphane welcomes us to his pretty house in Verdun to tell his story. He answered our questions calmly and directly. His discovery of sexuality? All of this is rather “normal”, around 16 years old, “without anything crazy or crazy”, he takes the trouble to specify. We understand that interest in swinging came later.
After a few “One Nights”, “always with a girl”, “never in a group, never, never”, he specifies again, Stéphane meets his first girlfriend, around 18, with whom he spends eight years. In bed ? “Dead,” he said, making a face. ” Completely. “He doesn’t address the issue, but we understand that the relationship was quite unhealthy. And that he came out “devastated.”
What if he cheated on her? “No, no, no,” replies Stéphane. I’m a very loyal person. »
He spent the next two years alone before dating his ex-wife in his thirties, with whom he spent another ten years. In bed ? “Day and night,” he smiled this time. Everything I never had And I had a lot. Here we are.
Why not ?
Madame quickly opens the door to the partner swap. It must be said that she had more experience than him, since she had already experimented on the side of “Dreier”. ” Why not ? Stéphane thought to himself. As a man, it got me excited. But she wanted to try couples. So we registered on a site. »
For several years they have been getting to know different couples in this way. Sometimes once. Sometimes again and again. “After the chemistry,” explains our interlocutor. “And there were always four of us in the same room. »
What turned him on? “To see another world,” he replies. Make love with another woman, discover a body for the first time, kiss…”
Remarkably, he continues, “Things went really well with my ex. Yes Yes Yes ! Really good until it wasn’t so good? “Until we meet this other couple, eight years later…”
With “that other couple,” as he puts it, the chemistry was special. Actually more than special. “We had common interests, we thought we were beautiful. So much so that they started seeing each other often. Increasingly. “Even three times in one week…”
And yes, it was all in his head. Or in the stomach. Difficult to explain. From a purely sexual relationship, the relationship between Stéphane and the other girl, let’s call her Stéphanie, has become sentimental. “I was very interested in her,” he says. Of course I wanted more than sex, but I couldn’t put it into words. »
I ended up texting her: I want to be alone with you.
Stephane, 46 years old
How can this perceived “chemistry” be explained? Through “enforced intimacy,” Stéphane is adamant. “I didn’t fall in love the first time I saw her,” he explains. At all, at all, at all. I thought she was pretty, nothing more. But by creating that intimacy…” Something happened. “We stuck all the time. There was a lot of tenderness towards each other, which greatly worried our ex-spouses. “For good reason:” Swinging, he explains, is recreational sex, often very ostentatious. But not here. At least not for Stéphane and Stéphanie. “It was very tender with her. i made love […] We kissed the whole time. The whole time. Getting worse …”
What do we do ?
So he finally got it. And sat down with his ex (“I’m a loyal guy,” he repeats) to explain the extent of the damage: “We love each other, what do we do ? ” Reaction ? “She freaked out…”
I’ve never felt love like this before. Always want to be together. When everything else interests you. Always find her prettier. We never spent enough time together. I always felt that the other two were too much…
And no, he never felt guilty here. You have to put yourself in context: swinging requires her ex wasn’t left behind. “She’s enjoyed herself,” he argues. For her part, the sex was very intense! »
Nevertheless. The situation has become so critical that the two couples mutually decided not to see each other anymore. “To respect our respective spouses. »
Radio silence for a year.
balance sheet? Stéphane turned it into a depression. “I drank a lot of alcohol and my couple started to deteriorate. But Stéphane refused to believe it. “In my head, I had the perfect life. A nice house, a nice job, a blonde that I love. In my head I was there for 30 years! »
Of course, the story doesn’t end here. A year and a half later, Stéphane and Stéphanie see each other again. “I naively thought we could be friends. But reality catches up with him. Almost immediately. “I was so happy to see her. I thought she was beautiful. I felt… at home! A common sentiment, you guessed it. And now impossible to deny.
We’ll spare you the details, but a few months later and after a painful breakup that included broken dishes, the two lovers moved in together. It was five years ago. It almost seems too good to be true, but yeah, they’ve been happy ever since. “I thought it would settle down, but absolutely not. It’s incredible. We do this often and it’s fun! […] If everyone had that in their lives, there would be fewer wars! “Stephan is beaming. “I met a wonderful woman! »
And swing at the same time? “I’ve lost my taste,” concludes our man, shaking his head. Without denying anything of what he lived, on the contrary. If he had to do it again, he would do it again. He’s just not there anymore. “I don’t know if it’s because of age. Or because I’m good? I don’t know…” When the opportunity presented itself? Neither yes nor no. ” We will see… ”
* Fictitious first names to protect anonymity